Welcome to my life..

I can't pinpoint exactly when it started.. but I can remember that I wasn't always this miserable. I've lived a life that's hard to describe and for most, impossible to fathom. I'm NOT a hypochondriac, although, I'm sure people would assume I am. In the years of searching, I have yet to find the help nor cure for WHATEVER it is I suffer from. I've been from Doctor to Doctor hoping for a prognosis in order to have SOMETHING to treat, a NAME to call it, an understanding. An ounce of proof that it's not in my head. Now, at age 27, and severely overweight, most people would jump to the conclusion that my weight is the problem. And I'm not going to argue that it doesn't exacerbate how gross I feel more than 50 percent of the time. However, my "sickness" started when I was healthy.. at a good weight.. and previously fairly active. The symptoms are what CAUSED a good portion of my weight gain. That, and the constant need to stuff my face with anything that might make me feel better, if only for a little while. Food quickly became an addiction. Not because I like being a lazy fat ass.. but because the sugar and carbs would temporarily give me energy and increase my serotonin, that was so desperately low.

Exercise has become near impossible. It sounds like an excuse right? Well, when you're so exhausted you could go back to sleep an hour after waking up, you're so tired you struggle to stay awake during the day, your so sore, it mimics the flu... and your anxiety is so bad you don't know where to turn or what to do... it's no excuse. It's just NOT possible.

Constant low grade fevers, stomach aches that are present more frequently than not, and dizziness that just doesn't dissipate have left me feeling ragged by the time I leave work. The only energy I can muster is usually used on just that.. work. By the time I get home I just don't contain the strength to do anything else.. and if I'm FORCED too, I get moody, irritable and just downright bitchy. And I HATE being that way. I don't LIKE who I become at that point. It's so hard to explain. 

When Doctor's can't even find an answer to my symptoms, how do I explain to the ones I love that this is NOT who I am, but what my symptoms MAKE me?